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Old King Coal

Apr 23, 2018 09:22AM ● Published by Chris Pederson

Hi there, my name is Coal but my friends call me Old King Coal. I presume it’s after the British nursery rhyme but I don’t like rhymes or nurseries. I like money and power. Why? Money allows me the ability to do things like jet-set to Australia where I can lobby to excavate more of my family from places like the Galilee Basin. That particular basin has enough coal in it to create one of the biggest coal mines in the world costing about $16.5 billion to develop. That’s a lot of money, but when you’re in charge of powering over 35% of the entire world’s electricity needs, money isn’t really an issue.

As some of you read this, you are likely blaming me and my family for this whole climate change hoax. After all, I do release a lot of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere when I’m working but good luck turning on your lights at night or powering your foo-foo one cup coffee fetish machines in the morning without me.

I mean, don’t forget I did have a large hand in the industrial revolution which helped evolve you all into the information age. Kind of a big deal that I rarely get credit for. Yes, I helped open the gateway to a collective conscience while at the same time planting the deep seeds of “planetary pollution”. Well, at least that’s what I call it.

There have been a variety of terms seeking to best define the negative human influence on the environment. Whether it be ozone depletion, global warming, climate change or the others, it is no question that burning fossil fuels like me has a harmful effect on your desperate intentions to maintain your livable atmosphere on our planet.

That all being said, here is what I ask for from you on this coming Earth Day. I ask you to forgive me for polluting the lungs of our mortal earth while also reminding you to appreciate my invaluable contributions to your mortal ambitions. The ambitions of decades past and protests present.

Remember, I continue to keep your cells charged in the cool of the night and your homes cool in the heat of the day. My family and I know not what we are capable of. Though I agree to forgive you for your self-righteous hypocrisy so long as you forgive me and mine for our self-righteous ignorance. We have helped create both one of the greatest generations of people and one of the worst generations of unintended consequences.  

Now is the time for mutual healing and understanding, not the division which seems easiest now. On this Earth Day in 2018, let’s be mindful to recognize the contribution of fossil fuel energy to ignite us while also embracing the future of renewable energy to keep us alive.

I told you I liked money and power. Though now, perhaps we can all finally acknowledge that without my money, we would’ve never had the power to make renewable possible. Or maybe it was the other way around....

Anyway, Happy Earth Day!

Sincerely,

Coal

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